I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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