he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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