so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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