I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
