Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
