All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
