she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
this hospital has no fireball
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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