in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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