I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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