i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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