Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize