piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i will never coherently bang her
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
