Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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