Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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