addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
