You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
