we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
