My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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