Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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