why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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