im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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