I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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