After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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