So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize