my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The air was thick with penises
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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