Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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