Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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