Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
