you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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