okay pat passed out under dana's car
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
