i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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