I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
