Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
