does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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