What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
