well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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