I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
