If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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