Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
