I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
