Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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