yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
