apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Rumble strips road head = magical
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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