I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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