Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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