I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
