you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
