I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
