make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your cock deserves a montage
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
