Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I could fuck to npr.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize