I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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