wat bout pragnant strippers??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize