i already hear my dad disowning me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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