This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
