I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
