The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
