New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
