Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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