he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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