And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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