It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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