I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
