You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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