Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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