and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
