some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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