i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
