life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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