I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize