You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
