Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so let's talk penis.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
