I haven't been this sober since birth.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's blow job season.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
