Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
