I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
