Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize