the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
