I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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